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cold and broken
я๏๓คภςє เร คฬร๏๓є Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:51 pm
you left me cold
you left me broken
and the tears i cryed
has dissapered
i was there
and now im here
and for all whats left
is that you left me here
lifeless and broken
cold and souless
you left me broken
and the tears i cryed
has dissapered
i was there
and now im here
and for all whats left
is that you left me here
lifeless and broken
cold and souless
я๏๓คภςє เร คฬร๏๓є- Posts : 14
Join date : 2012-09-29
Age : 25
Location : ....
Re: cold and broken
Zahra the writer Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:53 pm
Woah woah woah there sissy, that's a little depressing for someone who's always HAPPY
Zahra the writer- Administrator
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Age : 24 -
Re: cold and broken
я๏๓คภςє เร คฬร๏๓є Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:02 pm
i have hade a lot of pain in my life sissy losing my fam.. is one
я๏๓คภςє เร คฬร๏๓є- Posts : 14
Join date : 2012-09-29
Age : 25
Location : ....
Reply
wolfwriter Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:59 pm
Nice work...Depressing, I understand completely.
If you go to libraryofpoetry.com , they hold a contest for poetry (its free) ive entered, getting published again!
If you go to libraryofpoetry.com , they hold a contest for poetry (its free) ive entered, getting published again!
wolfwriter- Posts : 16
Join date : 2012-09-29
Re: cold and broken
Zahra the writer Sat Sep 29, 2012 11:24 pm
When I read it in my head something at the end judge didn't sound right! It had me going for like an hour but now I know, my suggestion is to take out cold and soulless at the end, it'll just sound better
Zahra the writer- Administrator
- Posts : 27
Join date : 2012-09-29
Age : 24 -
wolfwriter- Posts : 16
Join date : 2012-09-29
Re: cold and broken
Zahra the writer Sun Sep 30, 2012 7:17 am
I read it in my head again and it still just doesn't sound right. The poem is awesome, it's iuust something at the end doesn't flow... But i don't know what, what about you wolfwriter?
Zahra the writer- Administrator
- Posts : 27
Join date : 2012-09-29
Age : 24 -
Re: cold and broken
wolfwriter Sun Sep 30, 2012 10:26 am
I like it, but I think the third line should have no 'and', then change 'has' to 'have', and to leave the last line, then I think it would sound better 
wolfwriter- Posts : 16
Join date : 2012-09-29
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